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Twilight: Irresistible Destiny
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Chapter 14: Bella's Dreams
He has established a camp with his men outside the mouth of my cave.
He spends the major part of every day and evening playing his instruments and singing to me. This has gone on a few months, but the summer is ending and soon the autumn winds will become chilly, and he will be gone.
Meanwhile I listen to his music, his beautiful voice and the lyrics of his songs. They are truly lovely and induce a languor in me that melts my bones.
This is a warning to me that I am not heeding.
The chill of autumn is upon us. The rains drench the hills below and the water runs down from the mountains above. It is damp and uncomfortable all the time now.
But still he shows no signs of leaving. No matter. It is very pleasant to listen to him as I sit before the warm fire smelling the aroma from the herbs tossed on the fire. I meditate all night sometimes, my mind and fancy traveling to places I wonder about.
Tonight there is a storm that blows winds and torrents of rain and soaks all in its path. I wonder about the beautiful young man outside. How miserable is he. His songs sound lonely and melancholy now. And I am wondering about how sad he really is.
Or is he just pretending in order to weaken me?
He does not know the Sibyl very well.
It is an unusually cold winter. The snows are deep here in the mountains. The winds are cruel.
He sings of a cruel mistress who tortures him by denying him her presence. The depth of his sorrow penetrates my heart. How can his lady persist in ignoring him this way? I of course know I am this lady of his, but this does not seem to affect my logic at all.
She is indeed exceptionally cruel to this talented, beautiful and charming musician, who must love her to distraction to suffer like this. My thoughts and feelings are dangerous.
The Sibyl should not relent like this, even secretly in her mind and body.
I know I am beginning to weaken.
On a particularly cruel and vicious night I relent.
I invite him to my hearth to warm himself in order to bear the night outside with more strength.
He bows to me and goes to the fire.
His clothes are damp and ragged now. I sit on pillows and watch him carefully.
His gestures are tender and graceful. His mouth full and without bitterness towards me.
He does not look at me directly. For this I am grateful. When he feels he has accepted my hospitality long enough he bows and departs.
I wish he had not gone so quickly.
Now I know I am in dangerous waters.
The winter winds continue as the month goes by and I invite him in more and more.
He lingers longer each time. We do not speak, but one night I ask him to play and sing for me, which he does.
I find him enchanting and I smile at him, looking him full in the eyes. He does not flinch. My gaze is frightening to most, and few wish to meet my eyes.
I moisten my lips as he looks at me for a long long time, longer than is proper and respectful. My breathing changes and my color heightens; he does not miss this and his mouth lifts slightly at one corner in what might be a smile. I flush.
The Sibyl is no longer in control it seems.
He comes in often now out of the cold, but only when I invite him and insist. And then it is inevitable that one evening we will brush by one another as we reach for the hot tea served to us.
His touch shocks me and I know I have given up. I turn to him and ask him to spend the night with me.
We sleep beside each other, not touching, just feeling the thick air around us. My breathing is erratic following my thoughts. And before dawn I turn my face to him. His eyes are wide open.
It seems he has not slept all night as neither have I.
I have decided. I will be yours, I say.
He turns to touch me, my face, my neck, my lips, before he claims them as his. And oh, they are so sweet on me, so soft and tender, and I know I am such a cruel mistress, but he holds nothing against me.
I feel more pressure on my mouth as he enters his tongue inside me and I know I want all of him inside me. He places his hand on my breast and my breathing becomes heavy. I turn to him and embrace him in my arms, and try to glue myself to his body.
I unfasten his tunic as his hands slide into my loose gown, and I long for more and more of him. I have decided, and I will not stop now.
There will be consequences and I will pay them.
These consequences will be severe. For both of us.
I stop him for a minute and tell him, this means that we will be together for all eternity.
Never will we be able to separate. We will die and be reborn again and again and again.
We will never be complete until we find each other in all the lifetimes to come.
We will always have to be aware that the Other is looking for us even when we forget, our bodies will remember and search and search and search throughout all future and now past time.
There will never be a time when we are not together or waiting and searching.
This will be forever.
There will be no going back.
I am yours forever and you are mine forever.
Are you sure?
Is this what you want?
I do want it, he says.
And he smiles brilliantly and grabs me, holding me tightly as if he will never let me go, and truly he never will.
He slowly enters me and I twist my body to get away, to bring him closer and I can't stop breathing raggedly.
I clutch him to me and he takes me completely, all the way deep inside me where I did not know I was.
He groans and moans and is so tender and careful but I don't want that. I want him to take all of me to own me completely.
So I meet his thrusts and his surprise is revealed on his face.
I look directly into his eyes and say, yes, yes, yes, I want you, all of you, do not stop ever, never never stop.
And then he opens up to me and hums to me and smiles at me and begins to increase his plunging into me until I am turning, screaming, moaning, trembling, incoherent, completely mad with desire for him.
I shudder and then every separate part of my body detaches and shines with vibrations I could never find words for. He lets himself go inside me and throbs and throbs and throbs until I am full of him.
His juices inject onto the opening of my womb and I melt all over again as I feel his seed enter me and I know I am conceiving with him. And I want it!
And I know nothing but tragedy will come of it!
When he returns later the following day I tell him I am with child.
He looks at me astonished.
How can you know?
I only shrug my shoulders and say, I am the Sibyl.
But you could be mistaken, he says.
The Sibyl is never mistaken, I say.
Then joy lights up his face and he crushes me to him. You will come with me, he exalts.
Where? I say.
With me. We will journey all over the world. You will not have to stay in a cave anymore. The world will love you.
And I look at him and see that he has no idea who the Sibyl is. He has no idea what this means. I will try to tell him.
They will come after us and kill us.
We will hide from them. We will go so far they cannot even imagine where we will be. There is so much of the world I want to show you.
No, you are wrong. They will hunt us down forever. We will make a mistake and they will find us and we will be doomed. We are doomed already.
I tell him I would never change a thing. That I love him and I will love him forever. And that I will keep him forever.
The Sibyl must not bear a child.
I cannot tell him this. He will never understand. The forces of Destiny have brought him to me to conceive in me and the Sibyl will bear either a pure spirit or a monster.
If twins, one will be completely evil, and the other as pure, clear and good as a mountain stream. The evil one will kill his brother., either in the womb or later, but he will murder his brother.
The prophecies have foretold this. I already know I am with twins. This monster must not be unleashed on the world.
He and I must never have a child. Never, all through eternity.
So one night I begin to do what I know I must do.
I take him in my mouth and he moans in surprise and pleasure. I suckle him, suck him, take him in my throat and moan over him until he cannot stand it any longer and comes in my mouth and I drink him down and lick it off him and wipe my fingers on my face and lick them greedily.
When he recovers he takes me then without restraint, without withholding anything of himself from me.
And I am beside myself with delirium. Afterward I lie in his arms content for all eternity, knowing I have chosen well.
Each night I pleasure him in this way until one night I slide him down my throat and my throat muscles hug him, restrain him and demand him until he comes down my throat.
Then I begin to milk him and he screams with the ecstasy of it. I keep on and on as he writhes and moans until I taste a drop of blood.
And then I slowly free him.
I know that soon he will be mine forever.
As the weeks go by he begins to prefer my mouth and throat. Since I am with child it does not trouble him.
As more blood fills my mouth with his juices, his ecstasy is more and more intense. He begins to weaken.
I ask him if I should stop and I know he will refuse. He cannot stop now and neither can I. I am consumed by his blood and he is consumed by ecstasy.
And day after day and night after night we continue. By now he is very ill, and I have become terrified even though I knew this would happen from the beginning.
He begs me and begs me even though I have become fearful and am reluctant, he will not let me stop.
Soon he is dying and still he begs me to continue. Please, please, just once more. I'll never ask you again, I promise I promise, but just this once more. He is lying and we both know it.
And one night I will succumb once more, bleed and drink him, and he will die in my arms with a smile on his face.
My tears will never stop. I cannot live without him. My body cannot live without his blood. My unborn child has been nourished by his blood and cannot accept anything else. So I begin to be bled.
I weaken quickly and know I will soon die.
The unborn child is too young to survive. The world is safe.
I trust my secrets to my successor. I write all this in one of the volumes of secrets, so my dangerous and lethal practices will be recorded, as well as my warnings when Destiny contrives a meeting between two lovers like us.
I weep for him as I die, but I am also joyful, as I know I will be with him again.
And my hunger for him will ensure we will never breed.
We will love, but the world will be safe from the consequences of our love.
The Hollow Men V - T.S. Eliot
Between the Idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the Act
Falls the Shadow
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
For Savage's Hide and Drink Edward
___________________________________________
The blood blossom blooms
At the fragile girl's throat
The vampire forces down
Holding her imprisoned supine form
His mouth open
His lips caressing
Smooth silken skin
Suckling and sucking
Thick wet fragrant blood
In perfect precise mouthfuls
Throbbing into him
Drinking and calming his frenzy
Then with venom seals her wound
Saving her for yet
Another day
Another night
Another time
Until...
_________________________________________________________
Chapter 14: Bella's Dreams
He has established a camp with his men outside the mouth of my cave.
He spends the major part of every day and evening playing his instruments and singing to me. This has gone on a few months, but the summer is ending and soon the autumn winds will become chilly, and he will be gone.Meanwhile I listen to his music, his beautiful voice and the lyrics of his songs. They are truly lovely and induce a languor in me that melts my bones.
I begin to feel that I never want silence again.
This is a warning to me that I am not heeding.
The chill of autumn is upon us. The rains drench the hills below and the water runs down from the mountains above. It is damp and uncomfortable all the time now.But still he shows no signs of leaving. No matter. It is very pleasant to listen to him as I sit before the warm fire smelling the aroma from the herbs tossed on the fire. I meditate all night sometimes, my mind and fancy traveling to places I wonder about.
Tonight there is a storm that blows winds and torrents of rain and soaks all in its path. I wonder about the beautiful young man outside. How miserable is he. His songs sound lonely and melancholy now. And I am wondering about how sad he really is.
Or is he just pretending in order to weaken me?
He does not know the Sibyl very well.
It is an unusually cold winter. The snows are deep here in the mountains. The winds are cruel.
He sings of a cruel mistress who tortures him by denying him her presence. The depth of his sorrow penetrates my heart. How can his lady persist in ignoring him this way? I of course know I am this lady of his, but this does not seem to affect my logic at all.
She is indeed exceptionally cruel to this talented, beautiful and charming musician, who must love her to distraction to suffer like this. My thoughts and feelings are dangerous.
The Sibyl should not relent like this, even secretly in her mind and body.
I know I am beginning to weaken.
On a particularly cruel and vicious night I relent.
I invite him to my hearth to warm himself in order to bear the night outside with more strength.
He bows to me and goes to the fire.
His clothes are damp and ragged now. I sit on pillows and watch him carefully.
His gestures are tender and graceful. His mouth full and without bitterness towards me.
He does not look at me directly. For this I am grateful. When he feels he has accepted my hospitality long enough he bows and departs.
I wish he had not gone so quickly.
Now I know I am in dangerous waters.
The winter winds continue as the month goes by and I invite him in more and more.
He lingers longer each time. We do not speak, but one night I ask him to play and sing for me, which he does.
I find him enchanting and I smile at him, looking him full in the eyes. He does not flinch. My gaze is frightening to most, and few wish to meet my eyes.
I moisten my lips as he looks at me for a long long time, longer than is proper and respectful. My breathing changes and my color heightens; he does not miss this and his mouth lifts slightly at one corner in what might be a smile. I flush.
The Sibyl is no longer in control it seems.
He comes in often now out of the cold, but only when I invite him and insist. And then it is inevitable that one evening we will brush by one another as we reach for the hot tea served to us.His touch shocks me and I know I have given up. I turn to him and ask him to spend the night with me.
We sleep beside each other, not touching, just feeling the thick air around us. My breathing is erratic following my thoughts. And before dawn I turn my face to him. His eyes are wide open.
It seems he has not slept all night as neither have I.
I have decided. I will be yours, I say.
He turns to touch me, my face, my neck, my lips, before he claims them as his. And oh, they are so sweet on me, so soft and tender, and I know I am such a cruel mistress, but he holds nothing against me.
I feel more pressure on my mouth as he enters his tongue inside me and I know I want all of him inside me. He places his hand on my breast and my breathing becomes heavy. I turn to him and embrace him in my arms, and try to glue myself to his body.
I unfasten his tunic as his hands slide into my loose gown, and I long for more and more of him. I have decided, and I will not stop now.
There will be consequences and I will pay them.
These consequences will be severe. For both of us.
I stop him for a minute and tell him, this means that we will be together for all eternity.
Never will we be able to separate. We will die and be reborn again and again and again.
We will never be complete until we find each other in all the lifetimes to come.
We will always have to be aware that the Other is looking for us even when we forget, our bodies will remember and search and search and search throughout all future and now past time.
There will never be a time when we are not together or waiting and searching.
This will be forever.
There will be no going back.
I am yours forever and you are mine forever.
Are you sure?
Is this what you want?
I do want it, he says.
And he smiles brilliantly and grabs me, holding me tightly as if he will never let me go, and truly he never will.
He slowly enters me and I twist my body to get away, to bring him closer and I can't stop breathing raggedly.
I clutch him to me and he takes me completely, all the way deep inside me where I did not know I was.
He groans and moans and is so tender and careful but I don't want that. I want him to take all of me to own me completely.
So I meet his thrusts and his surprise is revealed on his face.
I look directly into his eyes and say, yes, yes, yes, I want you, all of you, do not stop ever, never never stop.
And then he opens up to me and hums to me and smiles at me and begins to increase his plunging into me until I am turning, screaming, moaning, trembling, incoherent, completely mad with desire for him.I shudder and then every separate part of my body detaches and shines with vibrations I could never find words for. He lets himself go inside me and throbs and throbs and throbs until I am full of him.
His juices inject onto the opening of my womb and I melt all over again as I feel his seed enter me and I know I am conceiving with him. And I want it!
And I know nothing but tragedy will come of it!
When he returns later the following day I tell him I am with child.He looks at me astonished.
How can you know?
I only shrug my shoulders and say, I am the Sibyl.
But you could be mistaken, he says.
The Sibyl is never mistaken, I say.
Then joy lights up his face and he crushes me to him. You will come with me, he exalts.
Where? I say.
With me. We will journey all over the world. You will not have to stay in a cave anymore. The world will love you.And I look at him and see that he has no idea who the Sibyl is. He has no idea what this means. I will try to tell him.
They will come after us and kill us.
We will hide from them. We will go so far they cannot even imagine where we will be. There is so much of the world I want to show you.
No, you are wrong. They will hunt us down forever. We will make a mistake and they will find us and we will be doomed. We are doomed already.
I tell him I would never change a thing. That I love him and I will love him forever. And that I will keep him forever.
The Sibyl must not bear a child.
I cannot tell him this. He will never understand. The forces of Destiny have brought him to me to conceive in me and the Sibyl will bear either a pure spirit or a monster.
If twins, one will be completely evil, and the other as pure, clear and good as a mountain stream. The evil one will kill his brother., either in the womb or later, but he will murder his brother.
The prophecies have foretold this. I already know I am with twins. This monster must not be unleashed on the world.
He and I must never have a child. Never, all through eternity.
 |
| Spider - Louise Bourgeois |
I take him in my mouth and he moans in surprise and pleasure. I suckle him, suck him, take him in my throat and moan over him until he cannot stand it any longer and comes in my mouth and I drink him down and lick it off him and wipe my fingers on my face and lick them greedily.
When he recovers he takes me then without restraint, without withholding anything of himself from me.
And I am beside myself with delirium. Afterward I lie in his arms content for all eternity, knowing I have chosen well.
 |
| Louise Bourgeois |
Then I begin to milk him and he screams with the ecstasy of it. I keep on and on as he writhes and moans until I taste a drop of blood.
And then I slowly free him.
I know that soon he will be mine forever.
As the weeks go by he begins to prefer my mouth and throat. Since I am with child it does not trouble him.
 |
| Louise Bourgeois |
I ask him if I should stop and I know he will refuse. He cannot stop now and neither can I. I am consumed by his blood and he is consumed by ecstasy.
And day after day and night after night we continue. By now he is very ill, and I have become terrified even though I knew this would happen from the beginning.
He begs me and begs me even though I have become fearful and am reluctant, he will not let me stop.
Soon he is dying and still he begs me to continue. Please, please, just once more. I'll never ask you again, I promise I promise, but just this once more. He is lying and we both know it.And one night I will succumb once more, bleed and drink him, and he will die in my arms with a smile on his face.
My tears will never stop. I cannot live without him. My body cannot live without his blood. My unborn child has been nourished by his blood and cannot accept anything else. So I begin to be bled.
I weaken quickly and know I will soon die.
The unborn child is too young to survive. The world is safe.
I trust my secrets to my successor. I write all this in one of the volumes of secrets, so my dangerous and lethal practices will be recorded, as well as my warnings when Destiny contrives a meeting between two lovers like us.
I weep for him as I die, but I am also joyful, as I know I will be with him again.
And my hunger for him will ensure we will never breed.
We will love, but the world will be safe from the consequences of our love.
 |
| Cumaean Sibyl on Sistine Chapel - Michelangelo |
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