Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Irresistible Destiny:Chapter 5 - Alterity

Twilight: Irresistible Destiny

Suzanne - Leonard Cohen

Suzanne takes you down to her place near the river

You can hear the boats go by

You can spend the night beside her

And you know that she's half crazy

But that's why you want to be there

And she feeds you tea and oranges

That come all the way from China

And just when you mean to tell her

That you have no love to give her

Then she gets you on her wavelength

And she lets the river answer

That you've always been her lover

And you want to travel with her

And you want to travel blind

And you know that she will trust you

For you've touched her perfect body with your mind.

Chapter 5: Alterity
We can recall moments in the past when we had equal chances of living or dying - in a car crash, for example... Every time someone finds himself at a crossroads of this kind, he has two worlds before him... It is the same with each decisive moment, both with birth and with death. Just as the virtual dead man that I am continues on his way on the other side, carries on with his existence which runs just beneath the surface of mine, birth is that dividing line where on the one side I exist as myself, but on the other I begin, at the same moment to exist as other Such is the form of alterity...(Baudrillard Impossible Exchange 82)

Anna Akhmatova - Modigliani
I listened to her as I looked into her eyes and I felt I had known her forever. And the words she was telling me were saying just what I was thinking and feeling. Yes I knew she was right. I knew her right away. There wasn't even time for me to say hello, would you like to go to dinner with me. Or take a walk with her through the alleys of Venice. No, there was no time at all. I had to make her mine immediately.

"I read a novel once and I kept reading one part over and over until I could never forget it. And I didn't know why I had to do that, I just did. And now I know. So I can tell it to you right now. It was written by Marguerite Duras.

"In the novel the captain of a yacht and his wife sail from port to port, stopping only briefly at places they have been before. They have been very much in love, but she keeps a secret from him about another man she only spent one hour with. A man who read her poetry and loved it. And in that one hour that she speaks with him, she falls in love with him. And says this to him":

" 'I wanted to tell you what I think, which is that … one always ought to keep oneself a ... place, yes, that's the word, a private place, where one can be alone and love. To love one knows not what, nor whom, nor how, nor for how long. To love... now all the words are suddenly coming back... To set aside a place inside oneself to wait, you never know, to wait for a love, perhaps for a love without a person attached to it yet, but for that and only that. For love. I wanted to tell you you were what I had waited for. You alone became the outer surface of my life, the side I never see, and you will be that, the unknown part of me, until I die.' " (Duras - Emily L: 98-99)

"And that is what I want you to know right now. That I have been waiting for you, waiting it seems like forever. I knew I would never stop waiting. And as soon as I gazed at you, I knew I had to have you. And that I could not wait another second, no matter what the consequences. 

It felt like madness but I couldn't have stopped if the building were burning down on us. If it had happened when the Twin Towers were hit, it would have been the same. That's the level of madness I felt when I saw you.

"So yes, I believe what you say. I have no idea what to do about it, but right now I don't care. I just need to have you again and this time I am going to savor you. For a very long time."

And I began to kiss her softly, then more urgently, then insistently, cruelly because I couldn't get enough of her. I couldn't stop and I would have gone on all night but her hands reminded me I had other parts of me besides my lips and mouth and they began to demand my attention.

I strained against her, then touched her everywhere and then after I had finished with her mouth, her breasts, her thighs, her hot center, I began the journey all over again.

My mouth was on her body and moved of its own accord, drinking her, devouring her, demanding her, never stopping, my hands between her legs, my body crushing her beneath me, then lifting up and pulling her over and I couldn't get enough of all this touching and eating her skin, hair, ears, hands, feet, breasts, and I knew if I began eating her folds and entrance I would never stop so I began tasting her, sucking her, smelling her until I was driven mad again and couldn't be tender any longer.

I was starving for her, hungry as I had never been for food, desperate for her, to be in her and I groaned and entered her again, slowly at first then harder, until I was frantic with desire, unable to stop and I slammed into her again and again until she screamed my name over and over.

And she tensed, held her breath, tried to stop but couldn't and began to tremble and convulse against me and I pounded into her harder and harder until I gave up and let everything go into her moaning and crying out and holding her so hard I thought I might break all her bones.

"You're mine now. You're mine. You're mine and no one else's. And I will kill you too if I see you, hear you, imagine you ever touching anyone else again the way you touch me. You're mine!" I grabbed her throat and knifed her eyes and threatened her with murder if she ever even thought of anyone else. "

My god what is going on with me. She laughed about this, but I cannot even smile about it. I am dead serious. She's mine, mine and no one else's.

No comments:

Post a Comment