Monday, September 12, 2011

Twilight:Irresistible Destiny:Chapter 3: Mine

Twilight: Irresistible Destiny

 Leda and the Swan - William Butler Yeats

Cy Twombly - Leda

A sudden blow: the great wings beating still

Above the staggering girl, her thighs caressed

By the dark webs, her nape caught in his bill,

He holds her helpless breast upon his breast.

How can those terrified vague fingers push

The feathered glory from her loosening thighs?

And how can body, laid in that white rush,

But feel the strange heart beating where it lies?

A shudder in the loins engenders there

The broken wall, the burning roof and tower

And Agamemnon dead. Being so caught up,

So mastered by the brute blood of the air,

Did she put on his knowledge with his power

Before the indifferent beak could let her drop?


I feel her hands in  my hair as I sob out my anguish, my relief, spent lust, my life, my existence, everything, everything, everything I cannot say or think or know but only feel with all of me.  My god, how incredible this is, an Event, unplannable, unthinkable, coming from nowhere. It could never have been planned, never have been predicted, never expected. Like being in Nagasaki or Hiroshima that awful day. How can anyone know anything? You are going about your life, doing the things you planned and then, and then…Yes. John Lennon: 

Life is what happens to you as you are carrying out your plans.

What shall I do? What can I say to her? I can never let her go. I’ve violated her and I know she loved it as I loved it. I shall never want anyone else ever again. How can I keep her? It’s not another time in history where I could capture her and imprison her forever, but that’s what I want to do. Oh my god, what can I say now, or later, or ever? Gradually I quiet and I know I must look at her, look deep in her eyes again. If I do I will die again, I know it. But I must do this one thing first.

So I raise my head, look deep into her eyes. She is smiling, not a little smile but a huge one! And then she starts to laugh and laugh and hold me tighter and tighter.

I’ll never let you go! Never will I let you go!” she says. ”The gods have arranged this and I for one will  not disobey them!” And then she laughs again and screams, “Thank you! Thank you!”, as she looks out the window onto the piazza and at that moment the pigeons all fly up in the air past the window fluttering their wings before dipping down again.  She laughs again and says, “Did you see that? Did you see that omen! Don’t ever think about getting away from me! I’ll kill you just like Medea murdered her children,  if you even try to think about that! And if you think about it, if it even enters your mind, I’ll know. I’ll know even before you know that I know and I  will kill you! No one will ever have you again. Never! You’re mine, just mine!” And then she laughs softly again and holds me even tighter 

And I am ready all over again.

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