Twilight: Irresistible Destiny
Everything can change at any moment, suddenly and forever.
You can't put your feet on the ground until you've touched the sky.
If you're not ready for everything, you're not ready for anything.
Rapture is more than pleasure, more than a transport of the soul; it involves a physical embolism, a bodily stupor and a kind of amazement of the will. (Baudrillard - Cool memories II - 87-88)
Chapter 2 : Kairos
I turned and looked at him as I was shutting the door and when I saw his face I was stunned. Paralyzed by the eyes of Medusa. I couldn’t say a word. I couldn’t remember what I was doing outside in the corridor. How did I get here? Who was I? I stopped breathing.
And then he came across the strip of carpet so fast and grabbed me, pushing me back into my room, locking my door, and ripping my clothes off. I’m being raped I thought. I trembled as if hit by a low voltage stun gun. I couldn’t protest, couldn’t utter a word, couldn’t move my legs, couldn’t scream, and didn’t even want to.
I felt my clothes tearing off me as I was pinned against the wall. I grabbed at him and dug my fingers and nails into his shoulders and then they slid against his back pulling him into me. What am I doing? I cannot believe this is happening to me. My breathing steps up, I open my mouth to say something, "please, please," and he covers my mouth, not with his hand or tape or some such, but with his mouth and he begins to bite at my lips and I try to give him my tongue but his teeth just keep on stinging me and I am loving it. I am not who I was just a few minutes ago going out to have a late supper and some wine. Who was that woman?
He enters me and I want all of him in me. He carries me to the bed with my legs wrapped around him, and slams into me and oh god, I am dying. He pounds at me and I can’t even return his thrusts I am so gone. I can’t do anything except lie here and try to force him closer, closer, closer and I can’t get him any closer. His clothes are off. How did that happen? I didn’t even notice.
And then I am really gone as he reaches that place deep inside where time and memory and the world all goes away and I don’t clench him, my body just tries to crush him inside of me so he will never get out, never, and then I shake and scream and moan as I come in a throbbing incoherent mess of sounds falling from my lips in words I have never heard and sounds that are foreign to me and still he keeps on and on and then orders me to come again, and I can’t help myself, I just obey and come all over him again and then oh god, I feel him letting go inside me and I feel his semen filling me, filling me until I think it will all flood out of me, and it sprays that spot at the entrance to my cervix and I am gone yet again. He tightens his grip on me as our breathing slows and starts to come back to normal.
Oh my god. Even if he kills me now I won’t mind. I will offer myself to him. He is the most wondrous thing that I have ever felt in my life. I am truly ready to die now.
And then. He begins to talk and tell me about destiny and I know this is the Greek moment called Kairos, when my historical line and my destiny line have just met and crossed in that rarest of all rare experiences. When my two selves have diverged to live separate diverging lives, growing farther and farther apart through time.
And then. He begins to sob in great heaves as he lies on me and holds me as if he will never let me go. And I never want him to.