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Twilight: Irresistible Destiny
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BPOV
I can't think about this now. None of it makes sense and all of it is perfectly sensible. Yes we can certainly kill each other by entering the dark world of de Sade, going deeper and deeper into perversion just to feel more and more intensely. I know this. Edward knows this. There is no end to it once you start. We could just play games on weekends, have a playroom, but that isn't me and it isn't Edward.
We are not playing a game. We are in a dangerous strategy, which is greater than what we know. And it has been going on for centuries. Maybe
thousands of years.
We are in the dark.
We are being played.
How long have we been played with?
What is wanted from us?
How can we know?
I am lost.
Without Edward holding me, touching me I would disappear.
He is out of his league as he says.
Well I am way far out of mine.
I guess we will just have to go day by day to see what happens. What the world is willing.
There is no possibility of deciding or choosing anything. There can be no making of plans, no willing on our part, or decisions. Destiny has us now.
By the throat.
We will just have to wait. Both of us are good at waiting.
And with that I tumble into sleep.
I am in a dark cave, way in the back before an altar. But I am faced away from it, although I can smell its incense, a delicious fragrance.
I am wearing a loose white silken robe and my hair is long and wild. My feet are in silk sandals with kidskin
soles. I am scented with myrrh from foreign lands. I am the Sibyl, beautiful and powerful with deep secret
knowledge, which is all kept in volumes of books within this temple of mine
.
I am waiting for an appointment from a foreign adventurer who has been waiting to see me. My young virgins bring him to the entrance of my private area and I see his face for the first time.
My insides quiver as he looks at me. His eyes immediately look down, and he sinks to his knees offering a small silver fur holding large jewels: diamonds, rubies, emeralds and sapphires.
"My most humble offering to you, my lady."
This is no humble offering I say to myself. I am wondering just what he wants. To go into the Underworld like Aeneas? Perhaps. But I don't feel so
.
"And what land do you come from? It is clear you are not from around here."
His hair is wild, coppery with glints in it, his eyes green, his face pale and beautiful. He is tall and lithe with sensitive hands and fingers.
"I am a Celt, my lady, and I do not come from any land. Occupying property is not to our liking. We are troubadours, poets, artists and search in hearts, not for land. I have heard of you. Your beauty and your exquisite knowledge of the arts. I have journeyed long to find you, to be seen by you."
I see that this one is dangerous, very dangerous.
"And what is it you want from me? Or do you want me to tell you. Cryptically of course." and I smile an enigmatic smile."
His eyes widen for a moment but then he recovers his control. I want to break that control. I will.
"The arts of love", he states this simply, directly.
"And you bring me these baubles!" I laugh and kick them all over the stone floor.
"Go away and pick up your trinkets as you leave."
I turn away and wave him away with my hand. My young virgins usher him out
. Now we will see what he does next.
________________________________________________________________
I am asleep but my body is partly awake. I feel a quivering all inside as I tremble so very slightly, but constantly.
As I open my eyes I face Edward and look into his green eyes and I know him. My eyes close involuntarily before I open them again. He is inside me moving so very slightly, playing with my desire and his desire. My breath catches, as I realize what he is doing to me.
"How long have you been inside me?"
"All night. It's been very difficult. I've wanted to wake you a million times already. A few times I almost slept, but I felt I needed to watch over you while you slept. I don't know why. I held you to keep you safe. I don't know why I did that either. But I didn't second guess myself.
"But oh, Bella, sometimes I floated on waves and sometimes I was in black black space with only faraway stars to see shining. It was wonderful, but everytime you moaned or moved I immediately stopped being there to be with you. Here, now.
And I increase my play with our desire, moving just a little more, holding him just a little tighter, until his breathing increases and I can feel his pulse beginning to pound faster. And then I move on top of him slowly and begin to move my pelvis down into him and then away, then into him again, so slow, so deep, and he groans and trembles.
I move just a little faster, just a little deeper, holding him tighter, leaning down and breathing into his ear, biting his ear, kissing and biting the side of his face, down his jaw his neck his throat his chest, down, down, down, until I feel his hands stop me.
No, not yet, he says. Not yet.
And he holds my ass against him, grinding me into him, grinding himself into me until I am coming undone. He won't stop, he won't let me catch my breath, I am trembling all over now inside and out, he has control over me and I am gladly offering it to him.
"Take me take me", I say,
thinking I don't want to be in charge here or anywhere. Take control of me, make my decisions for me, decide for us both. Please please please.
And he flips me on my back and then does exactly that. Relentlessly.
I try to hold myself back until he comes and I succeed for only one minute and then he says, "Stop holding back Bella, come now, let me feel you!" He places his lips on my throat and begins to bite me. I am completely undone and I moan gibberish as I hold onto him for dear life, shaking and quivering and dissolving. Then I feel him let go in me, feel his semen hitting hard against the mouth of my cervix, to flood me inside.
I am gone all over again.
___________________________________________________________________
What a pleasure to caress a woman without waking her! Simply to be for her a paradoxical dream in which her body alone would find pleasure. What obscure desire in her to be violated without knowing it?
With every woman, one would love to possess her without her being aware of it, leaving her free to take her pleasure without our knowing it.
He was probably still capable of awakening her with his roughness. So he thought; but his heart did not rise to the challenge. (Baudrillard - Cool Memories III - 21)
BPOV
I can't think about this now. None of it makes sense and all of it is perfectly sensible. Yes we can certainly kill each other by entering the dark world of de Sade, going deeper and deeper into perversion just to feel more and more intensely. I know this. Edward knows this. There is no end to it once you start. We could just play games on weekends, have a playroom, but that isn't me and it isn't Edward.We are not playing a game. We are in a dangerous strategy, which is greater than what we know. And it has been going on for centuries. Maybe
thousands of years.
We are in the dark.
We are being played.
How long have we been played with?
What is wanted from us?
How can we know?
I am lost.
Without Edward holding me, touching me I would disappear.
He is out of his league as he says.
Well I am way far out of mine.
I guess we will just have to go day by day to see what happens. What the world is willing.
There is no possibility of deciding or choosing anything. There can be no making of plans, no willing on our part, or decisions. Destiny has us now.
By the throat.
We will just have to wait. Both of us are good at waiting.
And with that I tumble into sleep.
 |
| Cave of the Sibyl |
I am wearing a loose white silken robe and my hair is long and wild. My feet are in silk sandals with kidskin
soles. I am scented with myrrh from foreign lands. I am the Sibyl, beautiful and powerful with deep secret
knowledge, which is all kept in volumes of books within this temple of mine
.
I am waiting for an appointment from a foreign adventurer who has been waiting to see me. My young virgins bring him to the entrance of my private area and I see his face for the first time.
My insides quiver as he looks at me. His eyes immediately look down, and he sinks to his knees offering a small silver fur holding large jewels: diamonds, rubies, emeralds and sapphires.
"My most humble offering to you, my lady."
This is no humble offering I say to myself. I am wondering just what he wants. To go into the Underworld like Aeneas? Perhaps. But I don't feel so
.
"And what land do you come from? It is clear you are not from around here."
His hair is wild, coppery with glints in it, his eyes green, his face pale and beautiful. He is tall and lithe with sensitive hands and fingers.
"I am a Celt, my lady, and I do not come from any land. Occupying property is not to our liking. We are troubadours, poets, artists and search in hearts, not for land. I have heard of you. Your beauty and your exquisite knowledge of the arts. I have journeyed long to find you, to be seen by you."I see that this one is dangerous, very dangerous.
"And what is it you want from me? Or do you want me to tell you. Cryptically of course." and I smile an enigmatic smile."
His eyes widen for a moment but then he recovers his control. I want to break that control. I will.
"The arts of love", he states this simply, directly.
"And you bring me these baubles!" I laugh and kick them all over the stone floor.
"Go away and pick up your trinkets as you leave."
I turn away and wave him away with my hand. My young virgins usher him out
. Now we will see what he does next.
________________________________________________________________
I am asleep but my body is partly awake. I feel a quivering all inside as I tremble so very slightly, but constantly.
As I open my eyes I face Edward and look into his green eyes and I know him. My eyes close involuntarily before I open them again. He is inside me moving so very slightly, playing with my desire and his desire. My breath catches, as I realize what he is doing to me.
"How long have you been inside me?"
"All night. It's been very difficult. I've wanted to wake you a million times already. A few times I almost slept, but I felt I needed to watch over you while you slept. I don't know why. I held you to keep you safe. I don't know why I did that either. But I didn't second guess myself.
"But oh, Bella, sometimes I floated on waves and sometimes I was in black black space with only faraway stars to see shining. It was wonderful, but everytime you moaned or moved I immediately stopped being there to be with you. Here, now.And I increase my play with our desire, moving just a little more, holding him just a little tighter, until his breathing increases and I can feel his pulse beginning to pound faster. And then I move on top of him slowly and begin to move my pelvis down into him and then away, then into him again, so slow, so deep, and he groans and trembles.
I move just a little faster, just a little deeper, holding him tighter, leaning down and breathing into his ear, biting his ear, kissing and biting the side of his face, down his jaw his neck his throat his chest, down, down, down, until I feel his hands stop me.
No, not yet, he says. Not yet.
And he holds my ass against him, grinding me into him, grinding himself into me until I am coming undone. He won't stop, he won't let me catch my breath, I am trembling all over now inside and out, he has control over me and I am gladly offering it to him.
"Take me take me", I say,
thinking I don't want to be in charge here or anywhere. Take control of me, make my decisions for me, decide for us both. Please please please.
And he flips me on my back and then does exactly that. Relentlessly.
I try to hold myself back until he comes and I succeed for only one minute and then he says, "Stop holding back Bella, come now, let me feel you!" He places his lips on my throat and begins to bite me. I am completely undone and I moan gibberish as I hold onto him for dear life, shaking and quivering and dissolving. Then I feel him let go in me, feel his semen hitting hard against the mouth of my cervix, to flood me inside.
I am gone all over again.
